Abandon
by iffulovedme
Summary: Kira/Kato. Kato wonders at Kira’s appearance. He wonders at his strong feelings. We’re all left wondering if maybe Kato loves Kira just slightly more than he resents being left behind.


What a word we live in, eh? A world where you've got wings and were once an angel...

Ah, maybe it's a good thing I'm not going to Heaven, a place where you have even more enemies.

But I'm lying. I'd rather be with you in Hell than without you in Heaven and you know it. So why is it taking so long for us to meet? Why aren't you here, right now? Telling me how pathetic I am? I haven't heard you say it in a while and I'm sort of missing it, your voice. C'mon, tell me I'm pathetic. I _dare _you. You never backed down once while we were alive. Don't start now, I might not forgive you. If you think I'm lying, come here and tell me face to face.

Now that I'm dead (funny thought, that), I have tons of things to do: demons to track down, angels to avoid, and all that stuff. (It's like the stuff out of a story, but it's so much more real to me than my so called life. I'm sure that says something about how pathetic my life was, but you're not around to tell me and so I get off easy.) But I still find time to stop and look out at the sky. I'm not smart, but I do have thoughts and I have half-formed plans that usually don't pan out.

Kira, you...you love Alexiel, don't you? Like, really love her? You know that twisted feeling, maybe it's love, but more likely it's obsession? Yeah, I feel it, too. So, because of this obsession, I'm dead. And because of this obsession, I've found purpose in my life. I hate you, you know that, right?

Sure, I'll follow Setsuna around, but only because I know he'll lead me directly to you. And when he does, and your path crosses with mine... I don't know whether I'll kiss you or I'll hit you. Probably both, and I'll probably get a black eye for my troubles. Ah well, may the mindless violence proceed apace.

*

I stare at you unabashedly in horror. Yes, you look damn hot in that leather cape, but honestly (I know, since when I have been honest?), I don't care for it. You, my friend, my school mate when we went, my partner in crime, my...everything.

_You've changed. _

You...the sarcasm is there and so is the sadism, only both have increased tenfold. You have an aura (stupid word, I think, distracted again by-is that a _tattoo_? You told me we'd do that together; another promise broken) that is more tangible than the cape you wear.

The blank stare you give me cuts through my heart (remember that discussion, when I still thought you were human, and we debated whether or not I had one? Well, I've decided I do. See, I've changed, too. Can you tell? Maybe I changed for you, maybe I didn't).

You stare at me with your lifeless eyes. I don't know what's worse. That you're all changed and different or that you pretend not to see me (Kira, damn it, don't play games with me! I _know_ you can see me!) ...Either way, ouch.

I watch with a sort of sick fascination as you, my partner, my reason for living, (hell, you're my reason for dying) raise your-_what is that? _– your arm? I lift my chin in defiance. Will you strike? I know you will.

Kira (and you are still Kira to me), I accept my fate. I'd rather die and wait for you than be alive and have you not acknowledge my existence. And you see my decision, I know you do. And you chose to make me suffer. You choose to let me live. Damn you.

When I'm left at the gate, when I'm not accepted into Heaven, that's okay. Because you got kicked out, didn't you? Or rather, you left making a grand exit. And I don't want to go anywhere you can't follow. Follow, what am I saying? I'll always follow you. But, seeing as I can't this time...I'll just settle for waiting.

Now, you know I'm not the patient type so hurry up and come home. Or, come to where I am so that I can come home. Cliché as it sounds, home is where you are.

I didn't have a home on Earth, and I'm not allowed in Heaven. So, then it's up to you and me to wander around Hell and make it home. But I'm so tired right now, I just want to sleep. Wake me up when you get here. With you, I can do anything. Even love. Even die.

~Fin


End file.
